Episode 8 Magnetizing Your Partner vs Calling In the One

“If you want somebody of value, you have to become valuable, and, in doing so you’re not only becoming more magnetic but you’re basically transmitting to the world and to the universe your own value, your own fullness, and your own depth.” — John Wineland

Today on The Embodied Relationship Experience:

  • How to embody the qualities you desire in a partner.
  • Understanding the principle of attracting what you reflect.
  • The significance of healing childhood wounds in relationship dynamics.
  • How you can improve nervous system capacity, presence, and integrity

Connect with John:

If you want somebody to value you, you have to become valuable. In doing so, you’re not only becoming more magnetic, but you’re also transmitting to the world and to the universe your own value, fullness, and depth. I’ve seen enough to know that people like that do not stay alone very long. They stand out and are incredibly attractive, regardless of physical looks. Those are the people that the universe will deliver new prospects to.

Welcome to the Embodied Relationship Experience. My name is John Weinland. Before we jump into the content today, if you’re watching on YouTube, please like and subscribe—it really helps us get the content out. Also, feel free to leave a question or something specific you’d like me to cover in a future episode. We will check them. If you’re listening on Apple or Spotify, please rate and review; it also helps us get the content out.

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In today’s podcast, I want to dive into the question that I probably get most from single people who are part of my work: How do I call in the one? How do I magnetize sacred partnership? How do I create sacred union when, at this point, I’m dating, working with the apps, not finding the right person, and keep attracting the same person over and over again? How do I shift that?

In today’s podcast, I want to debunk some of the myths around calling in the one. Instead, I want to offer the concept of magnetizing sacred intimacy and the partner you want to bring in. There’s a very different and specific practice to magnetizing better prospects than simply visualizing them or making a list of their traits.

I’m going to start by talking about why using certain practices, like making lists and visualizations, does not work and what I believe does work. We can make all the lists we want and visualize all we want. I’m not saying that those things don’t carry some weight—they do. Anytime you visualize something, you’re finding a way to move towards it. But what works much better is to become magnetic to the kind of partner you want to attract.

This means you become so valuable in your embodied experience, in the way you carry yourself, in what you transmit through your body, heart, and mind naturally, that you become incredibly valuable and attractive to the kind of partner you want to attract. This approach takes the focus off of the perfect relationship or the perfect person and instead turns the focus back on you.

What do you need to do to become so valuable and magnetic to those you want to attract? It’s a whole new way of looking at things. I wrote a chapter in my book about this called ‘Let Them Appear.’ The first thing to emphasize about letting them appear versus seeking them or chasing them is that you are relaxed. You are relaxed in your own life, getting full in your own life, creating a life, a way of being, and a way of living that is full and magnetic.

Anytime we focus on something we don’t have, anytime we turn our attention to that which we lack, we are transmitting lack. We are looking to another to complete us rather than becoming whole and complete in and of ourselves and then allowing the universe to deliver somebody to our front doorstep. I know it sounds a little bit woo-woo, but those of you who are Law of Attraction geeks or those who understand how magnetism and energy work know it shouldn’t be that out in left field.

The basic concept is: When we are full, whole, and complete in ourselves, when we are integral in our beings, and when we have cultivated valuable skills and traits, people recognize that value. Relationships nowadays are about value. We want to be with partners who are valuable to us, who nourish us, and who inspire us.

It’s less about procreating and security as it was for the last hundred or thousand years. Even as recently as the 1950s, it was still about security, especially for women. Finding a man who could make you feel secure is no longer the primary driving force. Instead, it’s about being the person a man who can provide for you would want to provide for. We have so much choice now. There are so many options.

Often, we fail to recognize that we may or may not be valuable to the person we are most attracted to and wonder why we attract and settle for people who do not fully light us up and do not meet our list of attributes we want in a partner.

I recommend a step-by-step process for calling in and magnetizing those to whom you are most attracted.

Step 1: Making a list of qualities you crave in a partner.

This works if you’re heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual—it doesn’t matter. Let’s start with the feminine. Suppose you are craving a masculine partner who is a provider, present, has integrity, is deep, has a profound spiritual practice, is in great shape, attractive, able to lead, able to go deep sexually, has the capacity to own his shadows and dark side, and can bring a full sexual practice. These are lists I hear from women all the time.

Step 2: Get as clear as possible and pull attributes from past relationships.

For example, John was very present, expressive, and in integrity. Abe before John had certain traits but lacked integrity and clarity. Construct an amalgam of positive traits and attributes from past partners.

Step 3: Start seeing those traits in all men you come in contact with.

When you’re at the store, notice the men who help you find items. Feel their clarity, devotion, and helpfulness. Train yourself to recognize these attributes in all men. Our capacity to recognize someone’s goodness, strength, devotion, openness, and radiance leads us to recognize it in others.

The opposite is true for masculine beings who want to attract radiant, devotional, highly energetic feminine beings. Make the list of past partners’ most creative, radiant, devotional, healthy, healed, expressive, responsive, and playful traits.

Step 4: Clarify the top traits that are most important.

We might have a laundry list of competing traits. Get clear on the top two or three things that are most important. Nobody will hit every item on your list.

Step 5: Make a second list of who you have to be, what you have to develop, heal, or become skilled in to be valuable to this person.

For example, if you want to attract a woman who is highly energetic, expressive, and filled with pleasure, you need to cultivate the capacity to be with all that energy, create the nervous system strength to be with that energy, and cultivate the attributes that a woman with that much energy or joy would find valuable.

Reflect ruthlessly on what you need to cultivate in yourself. For men who want to attract someone with a devotional heart, consider if you are worthy of that devotion. Are you leaky with your sexual energy, in integrity with what you say you’ll do, on purpose in the world, contributing to the world in a way that inspires devotion?

For those wanting a sexually expressed partner, ask yourself if you’ve cultivated the capacity to hold, inspire, lead, or contain that energy. Cultivate your body, mind, and nervous system strength.

Step 6: Research and take action to improve in these areas.

Go to someone in your community with these attributes and ask what they find most valuable in their partner. Seek feedback from trusted friends or mentors, and consider therapy or programs to develop these skills.

The things you are cultivating—moving energy, expressing yourself as a sexual being, being responsive, speaking your heart’s truth—are incredibly valuable. Men and women are craving presence, integrity, depth, groundedness, living a deep purpose, and doing the work.

You have to heal and address your wounds. If you don’t heal your own wounds, you’ll attract someone with reciprocal unhealed wounds. The deeper aspects of your nervous system, emotional body, and sexual body need to be worked on.

Healing, becoming full in yourself, and vibrating as full and ready to give rather than empty and needy is the most valuable thing a prospective partner will want.

To attract someone of value, you have to become valuable. In doing so, you’re not only becoming more magnetic but also transmitting to the world and the universe your own value, fullness, and depth.

People who are in their bodies, hearts, express themselves fully, and have mastered themselves in some way are incredibly attractive and valuable.

The universe will deliver new prospects to such people.

If you’re watching on YouTube, please like and subscribe—it really helps us get the content out. Feel free to leave a question or something specific you’d like me to cover in a future episode. We will check them. If you’re listening on Apple or Spotify, please rate and review; it also helps us get the content out.

If you want to dive deeper into this content or these practices, join us on the Embodied Relationship Experience platform. We have hundreds of practices and thousands of hours of content diving deeper into these concepts. There’s a link below if you want to join us. We’d love to see you. There’s a 7-day free trial if you want to check it out.

Thank you for joining me on the Embodied Relationship Experience.


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