Ultimately, we want to be moving through the world, which obviously includes sex, you know, in as artistic away as possible in our work, in our communities and to do that, our personal practices allow us to cultivate the depth of our hearts, the depth of our essences, the depth of our radiance, the depth of our consciousness, the depth of our love, the depth of our devotion.

Part of, you know, obviously, becoming an artist of love requires a personal practice.

Welcome back to the Embodied Relationship Experience Podcast. I am your host, John Wineland. Today we are going to dive into the topic of sexual artistry. What makes sex artistic? What distinguishes it from, monkey sex or just making love or procreating? And as we dive into this topic, I want to both separate, you know, from the masculine expression and from the feminine expression.

And then also just some general foundational principles about what takes your sex from, pleasure seeking or baby making into, a work of art. But before we continue, if you are watching this on YouTube, please, smash the like button. subscribe. Leave a comment if you like. What do you think about the episode that really helps us get the, content out to more people?

If you’re listening on Apple Podcasts, please leave us a review. Let us know what you think. Same thing with Spotify. If these practices and if these concepts resonated with you and you want more the embodied relationship experience platform, there’s a link below. It’s a global community. About 500 practitioners around the world where we have thousands of hours of content on this stuff, hundreds of practices, personal practices and couple practices.

So, things that you can do at home, basically setting up a temple push play and I’ll, I’ll take you through about a 45 minute to an hour practice. They’re all there. On the embodied relationship experience platform. It’s, one of the ways that you can kind of dive in a little deeper into what we’re exploring here. All right, let’s begin this, exploration with a question, which is what makes any expression artistic, whether it’s, as a painter or as a musician or as, somebody giving a speech.

What are the, foundational principles that make something artistic? And in my opinion, there are three of them. The first one is a full commitment. So if you notice, watching your favorite musician on stage, they are completely engrossed in the expression. They’re fully committed to the expression. There’s no hesitation. There’s no, doubt. It’s just I’m giving this fully through my body in this moment.

And there’s a 100% commitment to the expression of art. The second foundational principle is a complete lack of self-consciousness. And this is often hard in sex. But to allow yourself to let go of completely any strategy, any fear of doing it right, any fear of looking bad, and just really allowing yourself to be in that full expression without, any sort of ego driven or identity driven, governess that holds you back.

Right? Because when we’re thinking about how I look, or am I doing this right? Or is this the right way? We we lose the spontaneity. We lose the full potency of our expression. So being able to allow yourself to let go of how you look in a certain moment, or whether what you’re trying to do is the right thing or the wrong thing, and just allowing yourself to be in a bit of a flow state, really.

I mean, artistry and flow are deeply connected. In fact, the greatest art is absolute flow state, whether it’s again, a musician on stage or somebody delivering a poem. any art artistry is in flow. So being able to a be fully committed, be absolutely let go of how you look and see this is the one that is often a little more tricky for people and allows something greater to move you.

So again, going to this, example of a musician on stage, you know, somebody playing guitar on stage or singing deeply on stage, you can feel that there’s something greater than them moving them. There’s something greater than them. you know, singing through the body. Their body is just a vehicle of something deeper. And in lovemaking, you know, that’s something deeper is often love, but not always.

It could be desire. It could be a divine inspiration. It could be God or goddess. It could be any number of greater, forces that we allow to move through us. And I’m going to get a little more into detail about how to, you know, what it actually looks like to be, you know, artful in the expression of your sexual desire.

But it’s really important that you keep these ideas at the forefront. This idea of are you fully committed, not distracted? Are you able to let go of yourself? You know, get over yourself, let go of yourself? And are you able to allow something deeper than your preferences, or your desire to get off, or your desire to make them get off and be moved by something greater than yourself in the giving of the art?

So before we get into the foundations of sexual artistry, I want to say that the list I’m giving is by no means, comprehensive of this is just, you know, my version of what I have seen over the years, the ways that I’ve been trained, the ways that I’ve practiced, what I’ve seen in, you know, countless workshops that I’ve, led.

And what I notice is that there are few, specific tenants that are always, you know, present in the, you know, deepest expression of sexual art. The first is the principle of moving slowly rather than fast. And, you know, especially in the beginning, you know, when we move slow, when we are able to feel the moment and move from a deeper part of ourselves, really moving from the center column, moving from the heart, moving from the belly.

And when we move slow, we’re able to feel our partners and feel the moment in a much deeper way. And when you think about what makes art art, it’s often in the really subtle details. You know, I love to, play guitar. And so one of the things that makes great guitarists artists is not just that they can play regular chords, but that they know how to, manipulate chords in the subtle.

They know how to what they would call a hammer, like lift a pinky up or down or, you know, hit a string in a certain way. And so as we move slowly and we explore ourselves and our partners and the moment and the connection, slower, especially at the beginning, we’re able to feel those nuances. We’re able to we have a much greater control over our nervous system and maintaining control over our nervous system is a key principle in sexual artistry.

Now, of course, you know, during extreme lovemaking, there will be times when you’re moving fast or you’re moving powerfully or you’re moving with, you know, deep intent. But being able to titrate that, to be able to come back to slowness, to be able to come back, to sort of starting over or resetting your nervous systems back into synchronicity, being able to do that is part of what will a extend the lovemaking, which is, one of the key principles, you know, being able to doesn’t have to be an hour long session.

It can be a five minute session that’s incredibly artful. However, being able to move from, you know, moving very powerfully and quickly in sex to being able to kind of slow it down and feel more is an incredibly potent way to maintain this kind of artistic expression. Not to mention it helps, keep a deep connection. So the next tenant of sexual artistry is deep rather than shallow.

So when we’re able to move slow, when we’re able to have control over our own nervous system, this is especially true for the masculine partner in sex. And when we’re able to, you know, be, be with all of the energy that’s being generated, we can feel deeper, right? We can feel the deeper part of our partner. And so we don’t get locked in to the superficial ways that we’ve learned about sex, especially with men.

Most men learn about sex in this stimulate, fantasize, ejaculate sort of way. It’s very fast. And so retraining our nervous systems to be able to stay with the, micro movements, flutters of your partner, especially, you know, your feminine partner. To be able to feel her very deeply requires you to both be moving in a pace that your nervous system can stay with.

So you don’t, you know, finished too early, but it also allows you to feel deeper into her. So you’re not just focusing on a part of her body that is super sexy or a part of her body that turns you on, or a part of his body that turns you on, you’re focusing on the deeper parts of them, right?

That the inner radiance of your feminine partner, or the inner depth of your masculine partner. And when we’re able to feel each other deeply, we’re able to express from deeper parts of ourselves. So if you you know, I was a I was an art historian for a long time and all of the, all of my favorite art movements, all of my favorite artists weren’t just spectacular visually, right.

They were spectacular in the content. Right? They were always sort of working on a deeper message. They were always sort of delivering a deep message wrapped in this, visually stunning, piece. And it’s really the same in lovemaking, right? We want to be delivering the deeper message through the body. Right? It’s not just about getting off. I mean, of course it could be, but we’re talking about artistic sex here.

Not just kind of, you know, crickets or monkey sex. And so through them, through our bodies in the moments we’re making love, what is the deeper truth that’s trying to come through? What is the deeper experience? Is that deeper truth one of, lifelong devotion? Is that deeper truth,

one of claiming right your mind right. Is a is a deeper truth.

And maybe that deeper truth is something around surrendering, open to the moment and surrendering open to love. So as we are bringing depth, into our lovemaking, as we’re touching depth, as we’re feeling depth in another, as we’re bringing depth through the, you know, through the moment, right through the, you know, incredibly beautiful, pleasurable experience of making love.

The art deepens. And and that’s one of the most important aspects to life changing, nervous system healing, soul expanding sex. It should go without saying that your connection to your own depth in those moments, and not just the pleasure that you’re experiencing or the pleasure your partner is experiencing, is a huge piece of this deep rather than shallow principle.

So it starts with, are you feeling your heart deeply? Are you feeling the center of your body deeply? You know, for a woman, it’s are you feeling your womb? Are you feeling your cervix? Are you feeling the the deeper parts of your yoni for, for a man is are you feeling that space below your navel? Are you feeling your the depth of your heart?

Right. And or is your desire simply one of of pleasure, or is your desire one of a, deeper human and or spiritual experience? And so the more that we can stay connected to those parts of ourselves as artists, right. And part of becoming an artist of love, part of becoming a sexual artist, is, is having your own personal practice that allows you to feel deeper into yourself, right?

So that you’re moving. You know, ultimately, we want to be moving through the world, which obviously includes sex, you know, in as artistic away as possible in our work, in our communities. Right. And to do that, our personal practices allow us to cultivate the depth, the depth of our hearts, the depth of our our, essences, the depth of our radiance, the depth of our consciousness, the depth of our love, the depth of our devotion.

And so part of, you know, obviously, becoming an artist of love requires a personal practice, requires just like any great artist would have to practice, you know, like, let’s say you’re in a band, right? And you’re playing with other people and there’s this sort of beautiful flow that’s happening in a band. But to get to that place of being, you know, a great piano player in a band or a drummer or guitarist, right?

There’s thousands and thousands, 10,000 hours, hopefully of personal practice that allowed you to cultivate that capacity. So, you know, I, I didn’t mention this at the beginning, but it really should go without saying that, you know, this is part of the reason why we practice, right? These are the practices that we do in workshops. These are the practices that we have on the embodied relationship experience platform.

Right. The personal practice that you have to, cultivate in your own body to feel yourself and the moment deeper, those are the really important aspects that have to come first so that you can deliver the greatest art, you know, in lovemaking so that you can, you know, feel your partner’s hip or inner thigh or heart open just a tiny bit more right as you enter them, a little bit more right.

And and being able to have that sort of sensitivity of depth, rather than just focusing on how they look or whatever sound they’re making. Not those things aren’t beautiful and important part of it. But we don’t stop there, right? We don’t want to stop there. That’s just, you know, that’s just, shallow. Right? We want to be able to both feel the deepest parts of ourselves, and we want to be able to feel the deepest parts of them.

And so an interesting practice would be, you know, for those of you who want to start taking some of this on in your partnerships, an interesting practice would be the next time you do make love, see if you can just tap without talking about it, without, you know, making a big deal out of it, seeing if you can really tap the deeper parts of you, feeling the deeper parts of them.

So there’s this sort of surface level experience happening during sex, but there’s also this deeper energetic experience that we often take for granted, or we often, think is just a byproduct of sex. But actually it’s the driver of the deepest, most artful sex. And we can start to train ourselves to become really sensitive to how the surface of our partners bodies touch a deeper part of them.

And as we do that, our lovemaking experience, you know, becomes incredibly potent and juicy. The third tenant of sexual artistry is a wide range of expression. And so we all know that if you if you know, if you go to again, I mean, use music because it’s such a beautiful analogy. But, you know, we love our singers, we love our artists to have range.

If they just have the same tone and the same kind of beat and the same sort of, melody, the, you know, always it gets boring, right? It gets dull. But the greatest artists have an incredible range from, you know, rocking the house down to, making people weep in a ballad. Right. And so it’s the same in, artful lovemaking.

Right. Our capacity to go from incredibly tender and deep and heart open, almost weeping to being, you know, sort of brutally primal and hungry. Right. And our capacity to have a full range of expression during lovemaking leads to a much more artful lovemaking. And one of the things that I that happens in sex is that people get into comfort zones, right?

There’s a certain like, go to, strategy for making love, for getting each other off or, you know, giving your partner pleasure. Right. And these the nothing wrong with those things, but they start to diminish, just like any, like, a great painter that paints the same kind of art all the time. Like Picasso was just in his blue period for his entire career.

It would have been much a career, right? So his capacity to learn the expression. Right, the, deeper expression of, say, Cubism, for example, allowed his art to completely explode into a is a life changing, experience for many people. And it’s the same with us as humans. You know, we have to move out of this comfort zone that we constantly do, and we have to try different expressions.

Different sounds are really, you know, dark energy, light energy, everything from you know, transmitting angelic love through your eyes and through the front of your body into your partner. Right. Like it’s the texture of you are so love. You know, God loves you. You’re so you’re perfect. Right? It’s this really beautiful light energy to the darker spectrums of energy.

Right? Which is I’m going to eat your heart. I’m going to, you know, I’m going to ravish you into dust. And and being able to have a full range of energy, etic textures is incredibly artful and enlivening and, and just sexy as fuck. Right? So being able to have a wide range of expression and to be able to, use everything for everything, right?

Facial expressions, different sounds, certain kinds of language. Right? I mean, we, you know, dirty talk is a perfect example of being able to, take your partner someplace with the use of language while their body is wide open. Right. So, it’s it always surprises me how few people actually use, language. Right. There’s there’s a certain poetry to dirty talk that is possible.

Right? And it requires us to, again, not worry about doing it wrong, not worry about saying the wrong thing. It requires us to let go of of having it perfect and just really allowing the moment to, to bring something through. Right. And again, our capacity to play in the ultra light realms, to the ultra dark realms, to everything in between is is incredibly important.

So expression right. Being able to have a wide range of expression, take yourself out of your comfort zone so that you can, always have something fresh and new. And it’s not just different positions. And although those that those are great. Right. Trying different positions, different kind of moments. and it’s not simply role playing. although that’s fun as well.

role playing is a perfect example of bringing artistry into lovemaking. Right? In the Dom sub world, there is a, there’s a, agreements that are being made and both people are agreeing to go into this kind of artistic expression of of command, of dominant and submissive, of, of commanding and surrender. Role playing is another way to work with expression.

But it’s not just that we’re talking about being able to bring textures of love. whether those textures of love, you know, are intense, whether those textures of love are, you know, part of nature, whether those textures of love flow like water, whether those textures of love are, you know, like the ocean or as wide as the sky or as powerful as a volcano or as sort of grounded and sturdy as a, as an oak.

Being able to allow our bodies to take the shape of different, it’s not just archetypes, although you could call it that, but textures, right? Textures of expression, those are incredibly and incredibly important and powerful ways of bringing artistry to love. There is a certain kind of risk taking required in creativity, right? So to be creative in your lovemaking is, requires you to take some risks.

Let’s try this. let’s let’s go into this sort of scene. Let’s, you know, let’s try, you know, hanging you upside down from the ceiling, you know, while I’m dressed, as you know, Sir Lancelot, I mean, you know, you can you can, you know, go any direction you want to go in, but it requires that there’s this sort of commitment to take risks in creativity and what I’ll often see in partners, right?

To kind of get stuck in this rhythm of sameness, they just tend to rely on the same sort of approach to lovemaking because it works. She gets off, he gets off, and then they can go to bed, get up, take care of the kids tomorrow, and go to work. It’s a way to fit lovemaking into their lives rather than pull lovemaking out of their lives and treat it as something that requires deep attention, creative thought, and practice. Practicing this is what we do in workshops all the time, to practice how to bring these things off the mat and into your life at home with your partner, being able to get creative in risks and set up scenes and containers that take lovemaking out of the mundane and into the ritualistic and artistic. It requires boldness and a willingness to ask for things, get things wrong, make mistakes, and not necessarily hit it out of the park every time.

A great example is friends who are trying to get pregnant and have been trying for a while. The lovemaking required to make a baby becomes a chore, where they’re like, “Okay, it’s Wednesday, I’m ovulating, we’ll meet in the bedroom at 8:00.” You can imagine there’s not a lot of juice there; it becomes more of a chore than an artistic expression that is bringing life or possibly bringing life into the world. For example, there could be fertility rituals created as scenes. There could be any number of role-playing and texture-playing. There could be any number of expressions of desire, not just desire to get pregnant, but the desire of your womb to be filled or the desire for me to plant my seed into you. Couples can go much deeper, especially in that instance, but it is rarely seen.

If you’re one of those people trying to get pregnant, I challenge you to make it a practice that every month can be filled with more and more creativity. Maybe you’re a maiden tied to a pole, getting impregnated by the chief of the tribe. Or perhaps there’s a ritual where you come together as ancient lovers to create a baby that changes the world. There are far more interesting, sexier, and creative ways than just “Hey, I’m ovulating, let’s get it on.”

This leads to the final tenet of sexual artistry: meticulousness and creativity in the space. If you see a great performer on stage, like Prince, Taylor Swift, or Bruce Springsteen, they’re not just out there playing music. They’ve created incredibly artistic stage productions. There are numerous ways you could create containers and scenes, fill your room with candles, certain textiles, or scents. There’s a way of dressing that brings artistry to a container, to a moment.

Being willing to bring your creative flair to setting up the container, which includes everything from music to scents, textiles, textures, toys, and ropes, deepens the act and makes it more artful. Imagine your bedroom is a temple of love. Does it look like that? If you were to rate your temple of love on a scale of 1 to 10, ten being it’s filled with velvet curtains, beautiful candles, flowers, sheepskin, and a fireplace, have you created a bedroom that oozes the juice of deep love, practice, and devotion? Or are there kiddy toys on the bed, everything’s strewn together, it’s very minimal, or there’s not a lot of powerful symbolism in the room?

Most couples can improve on this, and this is one of the areas I start with when coaching. Let’s look at your bedroom. If I walked into your bedroom, would I think “deep love” or “oh, the baby is throwing up on the comforter, and it hasn’t been cleaned yet?” It’s very hard as new parents to keep this up, but often it’s not as hard as we think. Becoming an artist just requires us to start stepping into our creative body and setting the intention to make our sex a work of art. Just that intention alone will open up hundreds of new possibilities for ways to do that.

Before moving on to different ways the masculine can bring artistic creativity and different ways the feminine can bring artistic creativity, I want to state what this does. Being able to deepen your sex, create more art in your sex, unlocks a depth of love that is often missing when we fall into habitual lovemaking. Many people consider sex just a nice byproduct of love, something that’s just a nice addition to life. They don’t see it as a portal to an incredibly satisfying and deep way of relating, one that can be so nourishing, healing, and life-affirming.

What I notice after doing this for over 15 years is that the places in their sex life that are not fully expressed are the same places in the world that are not fully expressed. As you deepen as an artist of love, as you learn to bring more textures of yourself, be more meticulous and creative, take risks, and express yourself more fully, you start to show up in the world as a more expressed, creative, deeper human. The reflection that sex has in the outer world, outside of the bedroom, or the temple, is amazing.

In doing this work and making this commitment to becoming a more artful lover, you are both unlocking parts of yourself and parts of your partner that the world is often craving, and allowing a deeper nutrient of love to feed your relationship. This will feed you as parents, friends, and give you nutrients that make you a happier and more fulfilled human being in the world. This will impact your work, presence, capacity as a leader, and capacity to give your gifts in the world. This is not just art for the sake of art, but for the sake of tuning into what’s possible through your sex, making you a much deeper and more complete human being.

The analogy I like to use is food. Sex can either be junk food or deeply nutritious, healing food for your soul, body, and heart. Everything we’re talking about here is taking sex out of the junk food realm and into the realm of a deeply nourishing, deeply healing experience. Even with couples who’ve been together a long time, sex can move from junk food to a deeply nourishing, deeply healing experience.

Now let’s talk about the difference between being an artist of love as a masculine practitioner versus a feminine practitioner. Different things are craved by the feminine and the masculine. This is not necessarily gender-specific, although it tends to follow along gender lines a lot. There are certain things that the feminine heart and body need and respond to as artistic expressions.

As a masculine practitioner, one way you can bring your artistry is by bringing your awareness of time and space. Be aware of exactly where you are, where the lovemaking is in the moment, the pace, and what else is around. Are you about to knock a glass off the counter? Are you about to fall off the bed? Are the kids awake, or might they wake up? Being able to own the space you are in and how things are moving in that space is really important for her nervous system.

Artistry from a masculine perspective means allowing her nervous system to let go and bringing your expression, awareness, presence, depth, and groundedness. You’re bringing your nervous system as a gift to allow her nervous system to let go, to let go of the burdens of life, needing to know what to do, leading herself sexually, and leading you sexually. You want to be so tapped into your own body and nervous system and so aware of the space you’re in that her nervous system can completely relax.

You might be the one to set up the temple, suggest the date, or feel into what’s needed for this to be a deep expression of art. What music is needed for a deep expression of art? Is the room well-lit or dark? What else might be there? Are there certain toys or accouterments you want to bring to the lovemaking? Your capacity to know and feel what might deepen the experience is a really important part of your artistry in making love.

This includes your capacity to be fully expressed from light to dark. As a masculine practitioner, being able to bring the primal, the domineering, the commanding, the penetrating, the sacredly defiling part of you to her, and make her feel safe in it, is key. Your capacity to bring these darker spectrums juxtaposed against the deep love and devotion you have for her in your heart, even if it’s just a fling or a hookup, is incredibly nourishing and potent for most sexual partners. Some women have trauma around those things, so being sensitive to that is important.

Most women need the full range of spectrum. If it’s all dark and intense all the time, there’s a part of her that will feel malnourished. If it’s all light and loving all the time, there’s definitely a part of her that will feel malnourished. Your capacity as an artist of love is to bring the full spectrum, own the time and space moment, and help lead the experience so she doesn’t have to. This doesn’t mean you’re not super sensitive to everything that’s moving through her or that your heart isn’t deeply connected to hers as you traverse these things. It means you’re aware of everything that’s happening, what would liberate more love in her body, more pleasure, and more depth.

Masculine artistry and sex is sensitivity. Moving slow and feeling deep allows you to feel what will liberate more love, pleasure, and depth in her body. Your value as a masculine sexual artist is in being able to take her deeper than she can take herself. Women have become so capable in the depth of meditation, practice, love, and devotion. Oftentimes, women are way ahead of men in relational realms because they’ve had 100,000 years of practicing it while men have been doing other things. Your capacity to take her deeper than she can take herself is incredibly valuable.

What that might mean will vary from moment to moment, session to session. Usually, these areas of deep love, devotion, sensitivity, knowing her body as well or better

than she does in those moments require sensitivity and paying attention. Your capacity to move her hips, say just the right thing that opens her heart or turns her on, or helps her surrender control to you, is particularly tricky but incredibly satisfying to both you and her. Your capacity to take her deeper into her heart by seeing deeper into her heart, feeling deeper into her heart than she’s ever felt, and reflecting that to her through your eyes, breath, open-heartedness, devotion, ravish, defilement, dominance, or submission, is part of the masculine artistry of love.

The final piece I want to touch on is your capacity to make her feel safe in exploring the darker areas of her heart. The part of her that wants to surrender, be dominated, be taken, ravished, or destroyed by love. Making her feel safe in those darker places relies on all the things I’ve been talking about: being in touch with your own nervous system, controlling your nervous system, pacing yourself, feeling her, and expressing all aspects of your love for her. When a moment or a portal opens up for you to go into sexual creativity in a deep and juicy way, your capacity to master your own practice allows her to trust you in taking her to a deeper place than she might be able to take herself.

What is feminine artistry in lovemaking? If the masculine is in charge of time and space, let’s call it the structure of the moment, the masculine is also responsible for the depth of the moment, ensuring things don’t get superficial, hung up on an orgasm, or drift into uncomfortable numbness. The masculine is constantly trying to feel for a deeper layer and a deeper layer.

The feminine gift in artistic lovemaking is the expression of energy, filling the moment with energy, sound, pleasure, movement, and liberation of love. The feminine is the master of energy. Her capacity to relax, open into pleasure, love, and devotion, and be the expression, the sun of pleasure, the nuclear reactor of the volcano of love and devotion in a moment, is the feminine artistic gift in sex.

Your capacity to express, allow things to bubble up from the base of you, from your perineum, cervix, womb, out the heart, and out the body, is the feminine gift and art. To do so in a way that is responsive to the moment is incredibly important. As he is trying to be a master of time and space, create a depth of connection and expression, your responsiveness to what feels really good and what doesn’t is incredibly important.

How artfully you can respond to what is working and feeling good and what isn’t are both incredibly important pieces of artistic expression. For example, during oral sex, being able to amplify what feels good in your body and artistically express “No, not like that” rather than directing him is artful in polarity. If something doesn’t feel good and you want something else, expressing it in a way that doesn’t put you in the masculine pole is artful. Saying “Do it this way” or “Do it that way” takes the masculine pole. Instead, making a sound that lets him know, or making another sound when he moves to a place that feels good, directs him with your energy.

Your responsiveness leads him with your energy. It’s not about the man leading or being in charge; you are leading him with your responsiveness. Learning how to direct him through your responsiveness without losing the expression of your pleasure and love is incredibly beautiful and artful. It minimizes moments of disconnection in sex, where couples lose their mojo because the man feels directed and loses his rhythm.

A more artful way of doing that is in your responsiveness. This includes offering possibilities, “What if we tried it like this?” or “What I would love is to feel you from behind or looking deeply into my eyes.” These are more artful ways of responding to what your body wants than just jumping in and taking direction. This is often a controversial topic, so I understand if it might ruffle some feathers. I’m trying to give you ways of communicating that will sustain the moment of connection and not disrupt it.

I also teach men how to command her body open using their voice. This might look like, “Open your legs. Show me your throat. Give me your tongue.” Using language to direct her body into more openness, “Open your hips for me. Open your legs for me. Look at me. Look in my eyes,” are ways the masculine can use the art of command to direct her body open.

Let’s say he’s commanding your body open, and something doesn’t feel good. Being able to express that artfully in the moment is great information for him. Most women I work with love to be commanded artfully in sex. Of course, this can switch, where she can take the masculine pole, and he can be in the feminine, and she can command his body open, and he can be responsive. These are not necessarily gender roles but energetic gifts we all have and can work with in the way that feels best.

Another area where the feminine is in charge of the artistic expression is the art of invitation. Making your whole body an invitation to be filled with consciousness, love, depth, or physically. The masculine art is about filling her, and the feminine art is about receiving him. Making your body an invitation, like your inner thighs, eyes, heart, shoulders, yoni, belly, your whole body an invitation to be filled is incredibly artful.

Nature is great in this way, like a flower opening from the center of your body, inviting your lover into that is a big piece of the feminine art. The masculine art is to fill that artfully, to penetrate with depth, love, and consciousness. To be able to invite him from the center of your body is the feminine art. The textures of invitation could be everything from sacred slut to devotional.

Going back to the fertility example, an invitation to be impregnated, making your whole body an invitation to be filled with his seed, is an incredibly sexy way to practice. Becoming an artist of invitation is part of the feminine art. When you invite him into deeper parts of your body, heart, and essence, you call for more of his depth. He has to get more solid, deepen in his practice and presence.

A great way to think about sexual artistry is that it’s about maximum fullness of expression, penetration, and feeling. It’s about being so tuned in that every cell is orgasmic, not just a certain part of your body. As artists of love, as you deepen in these practices, sex becomes about more than genitals. It becomes about every cell, your being. Your whole body is wet, his whole body is hard. David Deida calls it a heart hard-on, where his whole body is alive as love, and your whole body is alive as love.

When thinking about artistry, think about aliveness. Maximize the aliveness in your bodies, becoming more creative, bold, and expressed in that aliveness, which is one of the keys to deep fulfillment. We’ve often thought about sex as filling a hunger or desire, but really, sex is about creating aliveness, making us more alive and available for the world. Part of becoming artists of love is making ourselves and our partner more alive as love and more available to liberate love in the world.

If these practices and concepts resonate with you and you want more, the embodied relationship experience platform is a global community with about 500 practitioners around the world, thousands of hours of content on this, hundreds of personal practices and couple practices you can do at home, setting up a temple, pushing play, and I’ll take you through a 45-minute to an hour practice. They’re all there on the embodied relationship experience platform.

I hope this episode gave you a lot to think about, commit to, and look forward to. We’ll see you next time.