Episode 6 Making Art Out of Reverse Polarity


Today on The Embodied Relationship Experience:

  • Understanding reversed sexual polarity in relationships
  • What is the impact when men and women develop non-traditional traits
  • Recognizing reduced attraction, annoyances, and diminished trust
  • Importance of awareness and practice for healthy dynamics
  • Methods to restore balance and enhance relationships
  • How to regularly self-assess to support positive polarity

Connect with John:

This natural polarity that the healthy sexual polarity that we like to cultivate, that is part of the very important pillar of sacred intimacy, begins to reverse. And then you have the man, for example, in his feminine, most of the time you have the woman in her masculine most of the time. And what suffers is attraction. The energies of masculine and feminine do not have to be gender specific, but most, not all.

Most men want to experience the energy light expression and emotion devotion of a feminine partner. And most women that I’ve talked to that I need want to experience the depth, the groundedness, the capacity, the masculine capacity that can both direct time and space can both be a container for emotion and for experience, for energy. So when that’s not happening, there’s pain.

You’re listening to the embodied relationship experience, plumbing the depths of the human heart at the intersection of desire, spiritual practice, and sexual polarity. I’m your host, John Wyman. Let us. Welcome back to the Embodied Relationship Experience podcast. I’m your host, John Wineland. Today we’re going to talk about reversed sexual polarity in relationships and why it is such a pain point for so many people.

It is one of the things that people will often bring to me. You know, in workshops and in the private work I do. Oftentimes that complaint is something like my, you know, husband’s in his feminine and I don’t trust him as much, or my wife is in her masculine and I’m less attracted to her. And oftentimes, you know, these complaints underscore a deeper problem in the dynamic.

It’s not even really a problem. It’s more of a habit. And so before we get into what exactly is reverse polarity, let me just say I’ll get a little business out of the way here first, because we’re a new podcast. Liking and subscribing if you’re on YouTube is beautiful and rating, you know, giving us a hopefully a good rating and a review is also very helpful.

So that helps get the word out to people wanting to get this content. All right. Let’s get into reverse polarity. So as you know you may know sexual polarity like a healthy sexual polarity is when one partner relaxes their feminine and amplifies their masculine and the other partner relaxes their masculine and amplifies their feminine. Oftentimes, but not always, it follows gender lines, but it doesn’t have to.

This can be true in same sex relationships. This can be true however one identifies gender wise. So what is reversed? Polarity? And why is it such a pain point in so many relationships? Before I get into that, let me just kind of describe the spectrum of masculine feminine in every human right. So there is a spectrum of Uber masculine to Uber feminine that we all are sort of naturally born into and develop over the course of our childhood and our lifetime.

Some people are incredibly masculine, naturally meaning they’re much more identified with stoic ness, with stillness, with slowness. They’re just much more sort of mountain like than breeze like or storm like. And some people identify the Uber feminine, right, where they’re just incredibly expressed, incredibly energetic, much more like the waterfall than the oak tree. And, you know, we all have these sort of natural places that we land.

And then over the course of our lifetimes, we develop capacities. So someone who is Uber masculine, for example, might develop the capacity to feel more, might start to develop the capacity to express feelings or either verbally or non-verbally, might work hard to open their hearts so that they’re just more identified with the sensations of emotions and the sensations in their body.

Somebody who is Uber masculine is much more identified with nothingness and with stillness than they are with movement. So perhaps somebody who’s Uber masculine and they want to cultivate more of their own feminine capacity, will work to open their body, will work to maybe learn how to move, learn how to dance, develop their intuitive capacities. So we are born in a certain place on this spectrum, you know, from Uber masculine to Uber feminine.

And, you know, most of us fall somewhere in either in the middle or skewing to one side or the other a bit. And the thing is, is that when one partner is Uber identified with their masculine and the other partner is Uber identified with their feminine, there’s a natural polarity that takes place oftentimes this goes along gender lines, but because of what’s happened in the last 50 years where men have worked really hard to develop their capacity to feel their capacity to intuit they’ve spent much more time, you know, tending to their emotions, learning to express their emotions.

They’ve spent much more time learning to flow. They’ve been doing things like ayahuasca, and they’ve been cultivating their capacity to feel express. Right. And women, for the most part of since the last, you know, 50, 60 years, since the 70s have been learning to cultivate more of their masculine, more drive, more depth of meditation practice. Meditation practice was primarily a masculine practice for decades, centuries, millennia, actually.

And so more women have been developing their their masculine capacities. And this is all very healthy and wonderful, right? We want to be fully expressed as much as possible in both sides of the spectrum, even though we might have been born and raised and kind of had the imprint on a certain part of the spectrum, cultivating a full range of masculine and feminine traits and capacities is incredibly potent and powerful.

To be a full human being. You know, Jung used to talk about this as embracing your animus in your anima, right? So the capacity to really learn to develop our feminine, if we’re masculine identified in general and to develop our masculine if we’re feminine identified in general, has been really, really healthy. What’s happened, however, is that over the course of of this experience, the natural sexual polarity that might happen between two people and this is for the most part, I’m going to use heteronormative examples here.

But what’s happened is that men are much more in their feeling bodies, and they’re much more emotionally expressed. And if their feminine partner is also in a space, in a moment, in time where they’re in, they’re feeling body and they’re, you know, wanting to be fully emotionally expressed, then you’ve got two people both in their feminine, right, both in the expressive, emotional, experiential, you know, part of the spectrum.

And they’re the arc of attraction that naturally happens during a sort of masculine, feminine sexual polarity moment dissipates, it wanes. And over the course of time, if partners are either more neutral, meaning they’re both kind of in the center of the spectrum, or one is more, the man, for example, is more in his feminine, more expressed, more emotional, more connected to energy and movement and light and feminine partner is more connected to drive goals, managing time and space, those kind of things.

What happens is that this natural polarity that get the healthy sexual polarity that we like to cultivate, that is part of the, you know, pill, a very important pillar of sacred intimacy, begins to reverse. And then you have the man, for example, in his feminine most of the time, the other woman in her masculine most of the time.

And what suffers is attraction. What suffers is the juice that comes now, of course, one big, big, big caveat here. Of course, if you’re a man and you are, you prefer to be in your feminine and you’re you’re a woman and you prefer to be in your masculine, there can be a really beautiful arc of attraction that happens as well, right?

The energies of masculine and feminine do not have to be gender specific, but most, not all. Most men want to experience the energy, light, expression, emotion, devotion of a feminine partner and most women that I’ve talked to that I meet want to experience the depth, the groundedness, the capacity, the masculine capacity that can both direct time and space can both be a container for emotion and for experience, for energy.

So when that’s not happening, there’s pain. It’s like there’s nutrients that are missing in the relationship. So if you are a feminine partner and your masculine partner is in his feminine, identified with the feminine, more often than not you might start to feel malnourished, you might start to feel an ache or a missing of the attributes of groundedness, or direction or capacity to hold, or the spaciousness of consciousness.

If you want to go even deeper into masculine practice, you might start to miss that. You might start to feel like there’s a a particular nutrient that your sexual body and emotional body isn’t getting, and vice versa. If you’re a masculine identified man and your partner is also in their masculine most of the time, like driving, setting goals, kicking ass, you know, meditating and in stillness all the time, you might start to miss the flow of energy, the natural flow of energy, the love light that is the, you know, quintessential essence of a feminine partner.

You might start to miss the part of her that flows and is full of energy and is full of devotion, and is it is devoted and dedicated to love more than consciousness or more than success, or more than drive. So how do you know you’re in a relationship where the natural polarities have reversed? After working with tons of couples and individuals, tens of thousands of people over, you know, 15 years, I’ve come to receive the same kind of questions and the same kind of complaints about their partners.

And what normally tends to happen is that the juice of the relationship dissipates. The natural sexual attraction dissipates because both partners are either more neutral, like in the middle of the spectrum, or one partner or the other has just completely gone to the opposite side of the spectrum. Oftentimes this happens, you know, after kids and after years or months of being together, right?

Where in the beginning he was very directed and very on point and very purpose driven and very conscious and very aware of time and space for able to hold your experience over the course of time. He may have sort of drifted more into wanting to express his own experience or wanting to be, you know, wanting to be more in flow, wanting to be more, you know, the emotional one at times.

And again, there’s nothing wrong with that as long as it’s conscious. So how you know you are in a problem is that there’s unconscious patterns that have started to rear their heads. Right? And unconscious things like overwork, for example, unconscious things like unbridled expression, unconscious things like, you know, not yeah, just kind of staying in the same flow or oftentimes it’s called a rut together.

And juice starts to dissipate from the relationship. Minor annoyances start to grow. I’ve seen people just feel malnourished in this experience. Another big issue is that sex becomes less and less frequent and less and less satisfying. And so over the course of the years, you start to develop this sort of roommate energy versus being lovers versus being, you know, healers and sources of nutrition and healing for each other.

Some other ways to recognize that you’re in a reversed polarity experience with your partner is if you’re a man, you might sort of feel annoyed at how much she works, how driven she is, how much attention she pays to, you know, goals and tasks and duties and how she takes charge of everything is often, you know, the way it works out.

You might start to get annoyed. You might actually feel less a man. You might be if you’re a feminine partner, more annoyed at his emotionality or his reactivity, or the way he kind of loses his cool, or the way he’s kind of always in flow and not sort of driven and directed. You’ll see this a lot, where in more and more couples where the woman makes more money and is more directed and more goal oriented than the man.

And so this will often cause this experience of reverse polarity. And how it really shows up is that the feminine partner begins to lose trust in the masculine partner. That really important space of trust, and the masculine partner begins to lose attraction for the feminine partner. So you can see why over the course of time, this would become a really painful space to be in, in relationships and maybe some of this is, you know, hitting home for you as well.

So what’s the difference, then, between a very healthy and fluid movement of masculine, feminine back and forth in a relationship and an unhealthy, chronic unconscious sort of static expression of masculine and feminine in a reversed polarity situation. Well, the big answer is consciousness, right? You’re conscious of it. So in the healthy situation, each person, each human, again, this is gender neutral.

Each human has a full range of masculine to feminine capacity. They’re able to feel fully. They’re able to express their feelings fully. They have a sense of intuition. They are able to flow. They’re able to move energy through their body, feel lots of pleasure, all of the things that are attributes of a human being in a feminine moment.

But they’re also able to, you know, direct time and space. They’re able to go said. They’re they’re connected to a purpose that expresses their deepest consciousness in the world. That consciousness is then oftentimes expressed as making money. They’re healthy in the sense that they both know how to be the infinite space of consciousness and the direction of time and space in a relationship.

And they also know how to be the fully expressed experience of love. Right. And so a healthy relationship, really healthy, beautiful, artful relationship. And this is this takes time to develop right to it takes time for the more naturally masculine a person is, the more time and effort it takes for them to develop a full range of feminine capacity.

And the more naturally feminine a person is, it takes time for them to develop a full range of masculine capacity. I’ll often teach women in my groups meditation, grounding, practice, very deep breath work and the kinds of things that are really grounding and expansive. I’ll have them work with consciousness, right? Which is in generally a masculine practice, to feel the infinite expanse of consciousness versus the infinite flow of love and energy.

So it’s important that each of us develop this spectrum, this beautiful, beautiful spectrum of masculine and feminine. And when we’re conscious of it, when we’re conscious of how to use it, it’s almost like pulling quivers, you know, out of your bag or pulling paintbrushes out to make art out of any moment. When we’re conscious, we know what the moment or our partner is needing from us.

So, for example, let’s say that your your a man, a masculine identified man, right? But you’ve just had a shit day or you’re going through a really deep emotional experience and it’s wearing on you and you feel sad or you’re grieving or you’re depressed or you’re highly frustrated. If your feminine partner has developed the capacity to hold space and to direct your body right, and to direct you, then she would be able at some point to come to you and say, hey, I can feel you’ve got so much in you that needs to move.

So her awareness, her masculine capacity, her awareness is feeling what you need, right? And she’s going to come using her best masculine skill set. She’s going to come and direct you like I want you to sit down in front of these pillows and just beat on them for five minutes, and I’m just going to hold space for you and cheer you on and challenge you.

And I’m going to do all those things because she’s developed a healthy masculine and the sacred masculine capacity to be witness to. She can do that. You can then go directly. You can go fully into your feminine, let everything fly. I think I gave an example of this in in my relationship a couple episodes ago. You let everything fly.

She’ll hold the space for you. You kind of get it out right? And then, you know, she holds the space, you guys, you bow and then you take the masculine pull back. Great. And you thank her. Thank you so much for holding that space for me, love. I’m good. Now let’s have a glass of wine. Right now. Let’s sit by the fire.

So you actually take direction of time and space. Or you step up to her. Take a deep breath, look into her eyes, ground your body, give her a big kiss and thank her. Right. You take back the masculine pull consciously because you know she even though she has the the masculine capacity it wears on her. Sometimes you have to live there, right?

So many women have to live in their masculine in the workplace. This is one of the real reasons why there’s a huge pain point. So many women have to live in their masculine in the workplace that oftentimes they come home. And if they’re man is more in the feminine and they’ve got to take the lead at home and they’ve got to direct at home, and their partner is flowing right, or highly emotional, they’ve got to stay in their masculine.

So they’re they’re masculine at work. And then they come home and they got to stay in their masculine to take care of the kids or get shit done or take care of you. And that causes a lot of stress for women that I see, especially, you know, women who are out there as moguls, kicking ass, making a mark in the world.

Likewise, you know, if a man is working all day and in their masculine and really like driving and holding space and kicking ass and moving, they’re moving the ball forward towards the goal line, the last thing he wants is to come home and be met with more masculine pride. He wants to feel the flow of love, so he doesn’t want to feel you working still or on your phone still, or kind of directing things right.

His masculine wants to be nourished by your love light. So this kind of dynamic I see all the time, and the difference between the healthy use of the dynamic, which I just gave you an example of, and the unhealthy use of the dynamic is that that unhealthy use of the dynamic is unconscious, like she might come home and stay in her masculine unconsciously, not take the time to kind of get back into her body, you know, kind of find some pleasure in her body, find some flow in her body, you know, kind of shed the body that she’s had to hold all day at work, right?

Or, you know, she may come home and just completely unconsciously flop and not be wanting to take care of any business, not wanting to exhibit any leadership or presence or consciousness. Right. And of course, that’s all understandable. And it’s very healthy for for people to be able to kind of just naturally move into those spaces. It’s important to know that it’s every if you’re a masculine identified human with a feminine identified partner, and you come home and drop your masculine and just sort of drop right in the flow, have a couple drinks, you know, maybe take a gummy, you know, whatever it is, and you drop right into flow and you shared all of your

leadership capacity and all of your presence and all of your consciousness, she’s going to feel malnourished, right? So this kind of conscious awareness of when our masculine is needed in a moment, man or woman or other, and when our feminine is needed in a moment, man, woman, other right is what sets apart the truly artful relationships. Another great example of this is suppose your feminine partner comes home from work, or, you know, holding the kids all day and dragging the kids all day and just literally having to hold space for the world, right?

And she comes home and she’s not able to fully shed that. It’s like she comes in and she starts directing things and planning things and is still in that body, still in that body. A really beautiful, you might notice, like, oh, I’m tired as hell. I would love nothing more than to kind of flop down on the couch and, you know, have a drink, but I’m going to step up.

I’m going to pour her a glass of wine. I’m going to tell her to maybe go upstairs and take a bath, and I’ll take care of the car. Put the kids to bed. Right. I’m taking my masculine. I’m noticing that she’s in a bit of an unconscious pattern of holding on to being in charge, to put it simply.

And I’m using my masculine capacity because I can feel that it would unburden her to get in a bath, do it, unburden her, but relax her to have a glass of wine. It would certainly unburden her for you to take care of the kids or or do whatever thing needs to be done in that moment. So being able to recognize when are masculine and feminine is needed in a relationship really helps to move the sexual polarity forward, right?

Because how we live in the world, oftentimes how we live in our relationship, in terms of being directional or being energetic, often translates into how often we have sex, how attracted we are to each other, how much she trusts you, how you know, drawn to her energy. You are. And so these things like you know, any, you know, beautiful plant or ego system, these things need to be tended to in a conscious way.

Let me back up a little bit and talk about what a healthy, what a self-centered and what a sacred masculine looks like. And vice versa. What a self-centered, what a healthy and what a sacred feminine looks like. Now, both liberate love. They just go about it a little differently. So the self-centered masculine, the self-directed masculine is very committed to getting what they want, getting their way.

It’s kind of the my way or the highway sort of approach, right? It’s this is what we’re doing, this how I do it. I don’t really care how you feel about it. We’re doing it this way. The self-centered masculine is about accumulation and winning. And I wrote about this in my book that the paradigm of masculinity that we’ve lived with, you know, for thousands of years now, is the paradigm of accumulation, domination and winning.

And so in the home or in the relationship, the part of your masculine that’s driven by accumulation, winning, you know, dominating that is the self-centered masculine, that is the masculine is about getting, about getting. David Data would describe that as a first stage masculine, the kind of macho jerk from the, you know, 50s. And, you know, there’s plenty of macho jerks around.

Now, the healthy masculine is aware that there are things I want right there, things I want, I need, but there’s also things you need am. And so I am going to help lead us into those discussions, and I’m going to help lead us to places where what you need and what I need, what the relationship needs, what the ecosystem needs.

I’m going to help lead us into those spaces. Could be finding a therapist for you, could be planning a weekend for you, could be, you know, deciding to go to a workshop together. So the healthy masculine is aware that both of you have needs, that both of your needs are valid, that conversations where both of your needs get honored and shared and validated and empathized with are crucial.

So the healthy masculine in any relationship is really concerned with that. And again, she has this healthy masculine in her to I just like you talking to men now have the healthy feminine. So the sacred masculine is about liberating love no matter what. The sacred masculine is about being a yes to whatever’s happening. In our experience right now, the sacred masculine is is, you know, the quintessential or holding space for, but not just holding space for being committed to being a stand for, above all things, the liberation of love and consciousness.

You could also say truth, right? And so the sacred masculine is really about doing the things that liberate the highest form of love in any moment. Okay? The self-centered feminine is about unbridled expression for the sake of self. I feel this way. I’m going to dump it on you and both men and women do this, and every human has a tendency to do this.

But this is our selfish, self-centered feminine, the part of us that just wants to express and I don’t really care what it does. And I don’t really care. You know what it does to you, right? That is the self-centered masculine in terms of relationship. Now, of course, there’s a very healthy, self-centered expression to I mean, I’ve used the example of going to Burning Man, right?

Like that’s where everybody that’s a super healthy self-expression. Right? But I’m talking more in the relational realm here, where with the unhealthy forms of self-expression, a healthy feminine right is about the expression of love, right? The expression of love for me, the expression of love for you. Right. So the healthy feminine is brings the healthy energetic. Right? The healthy masculine in any of us brings the healthy structure, the healthy feminine leads by bringing the healthy energetic.

If that makes sense. And so the healthy energetic could be the expression of empathy, could be the expression of love, could be the expression of play. But the healthy feminine brings the energy that sort of heals a moment, brings like a salve to a moment, just brings the energy that that fills the moment back up in a in a healthy way, so that you both can return to a state of love.

The sacred feminine is fully expressed as love, fully expressed as the myriad forms of love, love as anguish, love as rage, love as grief, love as longing, love as desire. Right. It’s it’s infinite. Right? Whereas the masculine in all of us is really about much more structured, linear, expansive, directive energy, the feminine in all of us is about the the expression of love, right?

The full expression of love, the art, full expression of love, the expression of love. So the difference. This is a really great example here. The difference between raging on your partner because you just want to get it out and he deserves it, right. And being the healthy expression of love’s rage is your connection to your own heart and your connection to love.

As you express your rage. Totally different, right? It seems like they’re very similar. In fact they are. The only difference is that you are deeply anchored in your own heart and expressing it so that rage may have tears, that rage may have anguish involved with it, because it’s love being expressed as rage versus the more self-centered feminine that just wants to get it out, just wants to be heard, just wants to, you know, express for the sake of unbridled expression.

So again, what makes our relationships artful is our capacity to be aware of all of these parts of ourselves, because nobody is living in the sacred of time. Nobody’s living in the healthy and the sacred all the time. We are constantly moving in and out. We are constantly navigating what we want, what we need, with what the relationship needs or what let’s call it a love needs or the divine needs.

And we’re constantly navigating that throughout the course of any given day. But we’re aware of where we are, so we’re aware when we’re being self-centered and demanding. In an unhealthy masculine, for example, we’re aware when we’re just blasting our anger out because it feels good in the moment. We’re aware of of what’s needed for repair, for the relationship to return to a place of stability and safety.

We’re aware of. We’re open and allowing love to flow through us in ways that, you know, make the moment divine. In any relational moment, you can really think of the sacred in relating of what would make the moment divine. A really beautiful way of thinking about this. And sex is, you know, imagine having sex with your partner just to get off.

I imagine having sex with your partner just because you want to get to orgasm, right? Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with that, you know? However, compare that to having sex with your partner to liberate their heart to the divine. Still a beautiful experience. Still feels good, but your intention and your drive are different, and your capacity to be able to kind of fluidly move from the, you know, I just want to get off to which again, is fine to I want to blast his heart open to God, whatever you call God.

Right? I’m not a religious person. I’m more of a spiritual mutt, but you get the idea. So our capacity to navigate these healthy, sacred, and often self-centered parts of ourselves in relation to the relationship is the art. It is where the rubber meets the road. It is the practice. So we’ll go back to the question that we started this podcast with what to do when our polarities are reversed in relationship.

And it’s painful. Of course, if you’re polarities reversed and it feels good, then don’t worry about what I say. You know, just toss out everything I say and go, you know, go with it. But if your polarities are reversed and it doesn’t feel good, what can you do to rebalance them? What can you do to shift them back so that there’s a more of a natural flow and balance to the masculine and feminine energies in your relationship?

The important caveat here is that we don’t want to take on roles. I see a lot of men like take on the role of the masculine partner, right? And a lot of women take on the role of the sweet devotional goddess. And those things are not the deepest expression in many ways. They’re really just covering up, you know, our fear of not getting enough love.

But, you know, that’s that’s for another episode. The idea of putting on roles is different than allowing a capacity that you’ve cultivated to come to the surface in service of love. It’s different. And so making yourself aware and learning how to understand and the difference is really important. And the way to understand the difference, it’s going to sound so simple.

Is love right? Love so in roles were often tighter. We’re often either burdened or resentful because we feel like we have to do something for somebody. You know, I’ve got to show up in my feminine tonight even though I’m exhausted because, you know, he wants it, right? Or I’ve just, you know, worked for a week straight and I’ve got to come home and be present and conscious with her because she wants it.

Oftentimes, you know, putting on that role of, you know, masculine or feminine partner because we think the other wants it or we’re afraid the other will be disappointed in us or will afraid to lose love. That’s how you kind of know that you’re in a role. The difference is you will have a natural because you’ve practiced, I hope, and there’s lots and lots of practices that we do in the embodied relationship experience platform.

So if you want to kind of get into some of these practices, there’s a link below, but I digress. So what happens is that you are in you are naturally able to access your core masculine, which is relaxed, spacious, open consciousness and you’re able because you’ve practiced and you can embody love, even love that’s exhausted. Even love. That is a key, right?

You’ve cultivated your capacity to drop into the embodiment of love, the embodiment of consciousness, and you are choosing to give these things to your partner because ultimately it liberates love for both of you. It’s a generosity. It’s, you know, and those of us who are parents, you know, understand generosity, right? When you’re when your child is sick and you have to take care of them for days at a time, it requires you to find love and care in you.

That may not be the first impulse, right? I need a nap. Might be the first impulse, but often it’s it’s often similar with our partners, just different deliveries. Right? So you might know that your masculine partner for example, has been working his ass off, right? You might know that he doesn’t have a lot of presents for you tonight.

And well, if you have been, you know, cultivating your own feminine capacities, your heart of devotion might feel something like, how can I just bring him my energy, my love energy, without any demand from him, without any demand for him to reciprocate? Do I sit him down on the couch and just stroke his legs and tell him what a good man he is, how hard he’s been working, how proud I am?

Do I, you know, do I give him some kind of do I massage him? Do I give him some kind of beautiful, sexy dance? Do I bring him energy with no demand? Right. The moment we have a demand for the gift that we’re giving, we know we’re in the self centered part of our masculine or feminine. When we have no demand, when we can give our gifts freely without any demand for reciprocity, we know we’re in that sort of sacred space now.

Reciprocity, super important in that healthy space, right? It can be a healthy space if there’s not reciprocity. But in the sacred space, you actually can bring your feminine to your warrior husband who’s been working his ass off because you have the heart of devotion, and vice versa. You can, as the masculine partner, step into removing burden from her.

You know, the burden of both having a career and a family, the burden of having to make all the decisions. That’s a that’s a burden for someone who wants to be in their feminine. When we’re in the feminine, we don’t want to make decisions. We want to express. We want to flow. So your capacity as her masculine partner to help remove her need to make decisions, even though you might be exhausted, is an incredibly generous act.

And it’s one of the ways that we can start to be conscious of how to kind of pull the polarity back into a more balanced way, right into a way that nourishes our partners. If I was going to simplify this, if you’re feeling like you’re the masculine partner and you’re listening to this and you’re like, wow, I’m aware I’m in a dynamic like this, I’m flowing all the time.

I’m not bringing my consciousness or my direction or my, you know, heartfelt leadership or my my, my width or my my grounded depth to my partner. I’m not bringing that to her. I’m just kind of showing up and floating around the house and kind of numb. And you can now start to pull the polarity back into a more natural arrangement by taking on some of those things, coming home, you know, doing a little sit for a while, do a little grounded work, do some work to get into your body again.

You know, we have tons of practices like this. Do some work to really, you know, center yourself, right, and then feel into what would me alleviating her burden tonight look like. What would me helping her, you know, shed this kind of weighty cloak of decision making? What would it look like tonight? How could I offer my direction or help just guide her into a space of being able to relax and let go right.

Again, I gave a couple examples. A bath is a great example. Sometimes taking a walk is a great example. Sometimes just sitting next to her by the fire with a glass of wine and letting her, you know, kind of shed anything she needs to shed is a great example of doing that. And it’s in that generosity, that conscious generosity of our polarities, a little fucked up.

I’m going to consciously bring my feminine to his masculine so that we can find our way back to the deuce, and vice versa. So there are lots of examples of of how to do this right. In general, if the masculine partner is bringing more consciousness, groundedness, depth, good direction, the, you know, the ability to hold her experience, it’s going to shift that polarity.

If the feminine partner is bringing more of the energy, more of the oftentimes more of the play, more of the joy of life, more of the even more of the true emotions, if there’s emotions bringing more of that, right. As the feminine partner brings that energy of love, light, as my teacher used to call it. It also helps to move the polarity, reverse the polarity back.

And so this idea of how do I consciously address this issue. So we’re kind of where we want to be, right? I want to be in my feminine a good amount of the time. Not all the time. Right? Right. I want to be in my masculine a good amount of the time in our relationship. I want her to not have to.

I want her to trust me. I want her to not have to make decisions. I want her to feel taken care of. I want her to feel well when she wants me to. She might not often. She might not always want you to lead. But when she does, you can. Right? Or when it’s needed, you can. And you know, I.

I want to be the love light to his consciousness. I want to bring him energy that makes him feel happy to be alive. I want to bring him energy that turns him on and get him in his body. I want to be the energy that opens his heart and reminds him that life is not all burden. Those are incredibly generous things to do for each other.

And that generosity combined with the little skill set, right? I mean a little skill set of of learning how to move energy through your body and how to animate your masculine or feminine capacities can be incredibly valuable in relationship. One final approach to helping to reverse the polarities is a bit of a cheeky one, but I think it’s really potent and really effective when it’s done properly.

So if your masculine partner is in his feminine, how can you be even more in your feminine right and what that will naturally do as you drop more and more into your feminine? I’m talking to the feminine partner here. As you drop more and more into your feminine, you’re going to naturally polarize. You’re not going to naturally evoke him because this is relationship physics, right?

The more feminine a human being is, their partner’s naturally polarized into or evoked their masculine is naturally evoked. It’s it’s physics. And so here’s an example of that. Let’s say you’re in a bit of an argument, right? And you’re both kind of yelling at each other. Right. You’re both kind of just rah rah rah rah rah rah. And so you’re both angry, right?

You’re both angry and you’re, you know, in this sort of state of this kind of self-centered state of full expression, you’re both in your feminine, right? When a man is angry, his estrogen levels go up. He’s in full expression. It’s it’s his feminine. So you’re both in your feminine. You’re both angry. You dropping deeper into your feminine would mean in that moment, feeling the ache in your heart over the disconnect of love in the relationship.

Now, of course, he could do this too, right? But if you want to reverse the polarity back, then maybe you feel your heart. You let yourself feel the ache. He might be growling at you, and you feel the ache and you show the hurt. So you become more expressive and more heart centered and more connected to the flow of love that’s aching in that moment.

Your eyes might tear up, you know. You might. You might soften the front of your body. You might, you know, take some deep sighs. And as you drop deeper into your own feminine right, feeling your heart, feeling the ache of the loss of love, etc., etc., he will likely naturally want to care for that, right? If he keeps yelling at you while you’re crying, then you know he’s being an asshole.

But more often than not, she will want to care for that. She will want to hold space for that. You have naturally polarized him into his masculine buy out feminine in him. Okay? And that, I mean, we’ve all had that experience and in fights, right, where one partner will get super emotional and it softens the other, it softens the other.

So remember that we are evoking, always evoking from our partners. Most of the time we’re unconscious, what we’re evoking, but we’re always evoking. So in an unconscious unhealthy reverse polarity experience where his unconscious feminine is evoking her unconscious masculine, the need to make decisions, the need to direct, the need to take charge because he’s not right. So but in a healthy scenario, she is choosing to drop deeper into her feminine to evoke his care and consciousness.

So that’s one way that you could do it on the other side, right? If, let’s say your feminine partner is really kind of just locked in her masculine to a point, obviously if she’s got shit to do and she’s got business, take care of, you know, want to stop that, but to a point where it’s become now unconscious and or you’re both just like working or working working, working, working.

This is the quintessential like, you know, ships passing in the night, you know, in the house, like you’re just handing off tasks and duties to each other, checklists to do lists. Right. You’re both just in this kind of like, get it done, get it done. Knocking down targets. Right. That’s a that’s often an experience that I see. And of course there’s no fucking juice in that at all.

So what one might do, how you might work with that if you are the masculine partner, is your way about masculine in her in that moment might be to make a bid for we could even call it a loving command. Hey, we’re both really busy. We’re both kicking ass. Let’s meet in ten minutes and make out. Let’s meet in the bedroom for ten minutes and have a quick make out or we’re going to be done.

I know we’re both really going at it, but we’re going to be done by five. Let’s I’m going to get a bottle of wine. We’re going to sit by the fire and we’re going to we’re going to connect. What you’ve done in that moment is you’ve elevated your masculine, your sacred masculine, your healthy masculine, both to care for the relationship more than just kind of being in that drive, drive, drive, drive, drive.

What that will likely evoke is the part of her that feels that you’re tending to love, right? You’re tending to love. You’re aware that love needs to be tended to, and that will soften her deeper into her feminine. So these are I’m giving specific examples here that I’ve seen work that I’ve used, that I know work in relationships.

But of course, you know, choose your own adventure with this. The important thing is that, you know, you just you bring consciousness, you bring awareness to the dynamic that you’re living in. I will often tell men, I will often tell the masculine partner, like every once in a while, every two weeks, every month. I really take stock of the dynamic in your relationship.

What if you took 100% responsibility for the ecosystem that you’ve co-created? What if you took responsibility for that? You saw that you guys were both in task and duty mode all the time. You saw that your polarity was reversed and you need to do something about it. And so I will often give men that, you know, that task to, to take an inventory once a month and then, you know, corrected to what the relationship wants, what the relationship needs.

But of course, the feminine partner can do that as well. And I think it would be really interesting. This is a really beautiful practice, and I think I’ll leave you with this practice once a month. The masculine partner is going to take an inventory of how well the relationship is functioning in this kind of masculine, feminine, healthy polarity, a healthy expression sort of way, like how is he right leading the relationship in the ways that the relationship need to be led by him?

Obviously not all things need to be led by him, but how is his leadership? How is he showing up? How is he, guiding and directing and caring for the relationship from his masculine gifts? Take an inventory and then come to her and tell her, like, hey, I’ve been doing a shit job of finding times for us to have intimate moments.

I’ve been doing a good job of removing the burden from you on the kids. I’ve been doing a shit job of planning things for us. It’s a very, very potent thing to do. And the feminine partner can take an inventory, can reflect herself on what’s the energy that she’s infusing. She’s been infusing into the relationship. Is she infusing busy mogul energy all the time?

Is she infusing, you know, playful devotion at times? Is she infusing some kind of deep, beautiful, sexy energy? Is she infusing heart? Right. And and to take an inventory of how well her feminine is showing up in the relationship. And I think that’s a really beautiful way for each of you. Again, if you want to be in a sexually polarized relationship to take stock and to bring to each other every month, you know, here’s where I feel like I’ve really been giving you my feminine gifts, and here’s where I feel like I could I could do better.

And here’s where I feel like I’ve been bringing you, you know, my deepest masculine. And here’s where I think I can do better and then come together and do better. So I hope that helps. Let me know. I’d love to see. I’d love to hear in the comments if you guys take on any of these practices. I really like to give one practice each episode for you to take on, and I’d obviously love to hear how they go, so I hope this has been helpful.

We love to hear from you. We’re going to be doing a podcast in the next couple weeks, which is sort of an ask me anything where I’ll be getting questions from you. And before we close, I want to just make a pitch. We have a subscription site that’s got thousands of hours of content and hundreds of practices. It’s called the Embodied Relationship Experience Platform.

And if you want to get more content on this, or if you want to learn about some of the practices, some of the masculine feminine or some of the couples practices that we have there, the link is below. And it’s a really beautiful and inexpensive way to kind of get into the work, start to learn a little bit more about the work.

You know, it’s, you know, we’re self sponsored. And so the embodied relationship experience platform is a really beautiful, easy global community. There’s 500 members from around the world. I do coaching calls every month. I do small group coaching calls every month. So there’s a place for you to go if you want to get deeper into what I’ve been talking about today. Again, I hope this information has been helpful to you and we’ll see you next time.


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